Yesterday I posted this GIF on Paul's wall, which pretty much sums up how I felt between the hours of 7am and 10am yesterday. His response? "Did you learn something about your self through this that's the question!" Reflecting on the workout, I think I did. While I may have appeared to be falling apart and dying, I was actually pretty darn tough. The more I think about it, the prouder of myself I get. Let's recap and toot my own horn, shall we?
1RM BS- I was able to reach my previous PR of 210, in fact I failed at 205 like 3 times. I did not get butt hurt or upset, I shook it off. You can't PR every day and sometimes the barbell gets the better of you. I got 205 easily yesterday, I almost got 225 earlier this month, what I squatted today does not define me, it just is what it is.
ROW/BJ/PC-I was intimidated by this workout just by reading it. It was even harder because I was going at it alone (normally there are a few other athletes doing the indy wod at this time). The prescribed weights were literally my maxes, one of which I just got yesterday, so obviously I scaled them down a little bit. 50m into the run my brain started to work against me, telling me to just do a 1k to save time since the oly portion took up a lot of time, but I reminded myself that this isn't about time, it's about training.Putting the work in now so I can kick ass later. Finished the row, it sucked as always and moved on to the PC. 135# felt HEAVY. Frustrating because even with the scaled weight, I was struggling. The little voice inside of me asked me how the hell I expected to be competitive regionally when I was dying with weight that was 20# lighter than it should be. Tears were shed but I did not stop. Take that self doubt! May have been 135 yesterday, but soon 155 will be my bitch. In some interview or something CLB said "I think I love pain, because it's what makes people better, doing sacrifice everyday. Always love pushing your limit and finding what can do." I was definitely in pain, and at my limit, but just like she said, I had to push it because I still had more to do..
S2OH/MU-Started S2OH at a heavier (but still modified) weight than what was prescribed but dropped it again after listening to my body (and a scarily well timed text message from Paul). Another blow to my ego that I had to put behind me. Jerking 135 should not have felt shitty, but it did. Had to accept that and move on. The first 7 MU were tough but doable, always feel like a badass when I do them. Second 7 were pretty miz. Had to walk away for a second, open up my workout notebook to a page where one of my friends wrote me a note that ended with "stop reading this and fuck shit up", so fuck shit up I did. I also conjured up the old man muscle squad in my brain and imagined Steve and Scott screaming in my ear. Was able to finally get through the workout, and was proud of myself for finishing and being able to motivate myself.
FW/BBBJO/WB-This wasn't hard persay, just tiring. Actually, the FW was hard. At this point I was running on empty and mentally fucked. This seems to be a trend (see: OPT athlete camp, I CAN GAMES final competition, and any time I am tired and have to push myself). Anyhow, I could have quit, I could have cut reps, nobody was there paying attention to me and nobody gave a damn what I did, but I picked up those heavy ass weights, jumped over that dumb box, and managed to do all the wallballs without hitting myself in the face. Once I was done, I collapsed onto all fours, unaware that I was crying, exhausted, but proud that I had done it all by myself.
Overall lesson learned: it is a million times tougher going at it alone AND I am capable of far more than my mind thinks I am. Building self confidence seems to be a theme in my life lately, which is funny because I really didn't think I needed any help there.
And they say crossfit is just a workout....