I, like many females my age, have battled with body issues for as long as I can remember. I've always been active, but throughout the years I've fluctuated from a little chubby to pretty skinny, and everywhere in between. I tried every diet in the book; juice cleanses, veganism, vegetarianism, atkins, starvation, south beach...you name it, I've tried it. Even at my lightest weight, I can not say that I was ever happy with how I looked. Fast forward to now. I'm a good ten pounds heavier than I was when I started crossfit (6% less body fat...although I've gained a little back now). Do I think I could look better than I do now? Hell yes. I would love my thighs to be leaners, my arms to be more cut, and have the little layer of fat keeping my midsection warm magically disappear. Am I comfortable with how I look now? Absolutely. The following video really sums up how I felt/feel before and after I sold my soul to crossfit.
This was the first video that I showed my parents when I was trying to explain to them what this crossfit thing was and why I loved it. The more I watched it, the more I realized that this was explaining everything I felt. Until now, I just wanted to be skinny. I wanted to look the way everyone thinks an ideal woman should look, and while I enjoyed working out, I was working out to look a certain way, not to achieve something. Just like these amazing women said in the video, I'm going to reach my performance goals far sooner than I'm going to like what I see in the mirror...but the caveat is, the more I focus on my goals, the less I care about how I look. Obviously I want to look my best, and I do think that will happen eventually, but as I set higher and higher goals, I care more about what my body can do instead of how it looks. CrossFit Invictus shared an article the other day which said:
we need to define ourselves by our accomplishments, personal satisfaction and our positive impact on othersThis brings me back to what Paul said to me when I was freaking out about gaining weight/body fat. He asked "does it define you? does it make you who you are?" The answer is no. All of the things listed above do though. Call it distraction, call it acceptance, hell, even call it denial, at this point I don't care. If this rids me of (the majority) of my food and body issues, I don't care what it is. So as I sit on the couch, feasting on trail mix, I can honestly say that while I may have days where I don't absolutely love how I look, I know that where I am now is 100x better than I would be without my crossfity influences.
No, I did not work out. Yes, I ate a ginormous amount. Not Sorry. Super Hungry. Here's what I put in my mouth today:
Meal 1: Banana/egg white pancakes with bacon and sunflower seed butter
Meal 2: Quest Bar
Meal 3: Fruit cup and Greek Meatballs
Meal 4: Apple-Nut Egg Muffins; Apple
Meal 5: Chicken, Beets, Kale Chips
Meal 6: Trail Mix (a lot)
I had a meeting after work today (between meals 4 and 5), so by the time I got home around 8, I was a starving food monster that could not be satisfied. Moral of the story: pack emergency snacks for when the emergency snacks are gone.